Wednesday, 20 March 2019

THIS MAMMA WRITES... dreaming of sleep

Yesterday we entered a brave new world, I got the kids out to the car without the pushchair, drove us out to Dereham and met their Nanny, then we all went to a Beebops class. They loved the space and freedom (I think they mostly enjoyed running around the room before the class began), and although they didn’t really engage with the songs – mostly running riot trying to steal people’s snacks/shoes/personal space – they definitely enjoyed themselves. 

I wanted to hold off writing this post until today as I hoped I’d be able to say that after such an exciting, exhilarating and stimulating day the boys slept through the night and we all skipped downstairs this morning smiling and high-fiving each other, fresh as daisies. 

No. Friggin. Chance. 

Combined they were both up six times, at times synchronised, at times individually. No skipping, smiling or high-fiving this morning for me, just necking cups of coffee like I’m representing an entire team in a game of boat race. 

We’ve had an incredibly testing relationship with sleep these past (almost) 13 months that the boys have been rulers of our World – in that we haven’t really had any. Genuinely I don’t remember a single night where they have both slept through in all that time. We’ve had a handful of nights off, which are of course a lifesaver, but when they’re somewhere else you don’t have the same kind of settled sleep, not knowing how they are or what they’re doing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining – children are a privilege which is so random that not everyone, despite who they are or what they do, are fortunate enough to have. I’m not bashing my parental lifestyle, it’s just that lack of sleep is such a shocker. 
The boys share a room and constantly disturb each other. Their patterns and needs are so different and individual that it makes it very hard to keep them synchronised. I’ve read a lot of tips about how important it is for twin life survival to get the two in sync, but with mine it just hasn’t happened. When we found out we were having twins it was very important to me that they have a chance of individuality and independence – we never dress them they same (apart from special occasions), they even eat different things because of Charlie’s dairy intolerance. Whether nature or nurture, their personalities are very individual too, and in consequence they sleep differently. From an early age, probably around 3 months, we gave them separate cots as they constantly disturbed each other, and we are now on the verge of giving them separate rooms. It’s almost laughable that we haven’t done this sooner – it’s been purely the logistics of finding the time to clear out our box room (which has been a general dumping ground since we moved in 3 years ago) when time is something we never have any excess of. It never occurred to us to create two nurseries when we put together the one in preparation for their birth. 

To ensure they don’t disturb each other while getting off to sleep, I get Harry to sleep in the nursery while Tom gets Charlie off in our bedroom. Once Harry’s asleep, a sleeping Charlie can come in, so I always do what’s easiest and quickest to get Harry off (holding him, soothing him) so Charlie gets the chance to settle in his cot as quickly as possible too. They used to just fall asleep on us with their post bath bottle so now this has stopped happening Harry doesn’t know how go off to sleep without me and ends up waking every night, needing help to settle. We have to pull him out quickly when he does this so he doesn’t wake his brother (who is notoriously terrible at going back to sleep once he’s woken) so Harry ends up sleeping with us. What a pickle, eh! We know this isn’t exactly the way it should be, but you do what you do to get through with two. Who other than parents of multiples would have the problem of two babies waking each other in the same room, and parents of multiples understand that life is bloody hard at times and you literally simply do what works in the moment to survive. 

Last night I worked really hard to get Harry to sleep in his cot rather than being held by me, and when he did it eventually I was proud of us both for our persistence – but he still woke unsettled, and in turn so did his brother (perhaps because he was made to wait so long sleeping on our bed before the coast was clear for him to get into his own bed)?! Teething is a huge contributing factor too – Harry in particular suffers terribly. He started teething for tooth 7 a long time ago, much before Charlie, who’s teeth number 7 and 8 have already cut before Harry’s 7th has even popped through – it’s there lurking under the surface but taking a lifetime to make it out.

The second nursery will be ready soon and we can work at letting them take themselves off to sleep, making as much fuss and noise and taking as much time as they need, without the complications of keeping their twin awake during the process. In turn hopefully life will become easier and more restful!

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